Top tips for good conversations
gain insight into collective conversations
Conversation is about promoting mutual learning and the best conversations are happening on social networks these days. However there is definitely an art to be mastered.
Once you have mastered your own thinking processes and understand your own conclusions and the data on which you have based them. You are ready to share your thinking with others.
This is about helping others see what you see and how you think about it. By giving examples of the data you select – telling stories, sharing anecdotes, using reference experiences – you will make your data clear (remember ‘data’ can be comments, information, statistics etc) . Then you need to clearly state the meaning that you find in these examples, clarifying and explaining the conclusions that you have drawn. As part of this proces you may need to further need to explain the steps in your thinking.
For example in conversation with a Twitter contact the other day I was sharing information about a blogging problem I had come across. The particular ‘data’ I shared included the type of blog, how I was using it, and the particular problem I had noticed (an error on screen). The meaning that I had drawn from this data was that there was an error on the site – i.e. something that I had done ‘wrong’. However, whilst indeed an error was reported, it was related to something different and the conversation helped clear that up.
A truly productive conversation also means that in sharing your thinking, you are also helping to clarify the other person’s thinking. Describe your understanding of the other person’s reasoning by reflecting back to them what you understand: “The way I understand what you have just said is that you look at the data and see declining market share, is that right?”.
If, during the course of your conversation, you do disagree with the other person, or perhaps see negative consequences to what they intend doing, you can make this clear in the conversation in a way that does not get the other person’s back up. If you state or identify what you see these consequences to be, but avoid attributing ‘intent’ to create those consequences to the other person, you stay on neutral ground and maintain the space of productive dialogue.
For example: “John, I notice that you have not mentioned anything about communicating the plan to the customer at this point. I have noticed in my own customer relationships that early communication helps to gain agreement. If some sort of communication will help smooth over the relationship, do you think it will be worth considering?” Distinguish between intent and impact so that a more productive outcome is achieved.
And finally, if the conversation gets more heated, and there is more conflict and emotion involved, if you feel that you have to disclose your emotions do so without implying that the other person is responsible for creating your emotional reactions.
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Changeworksblog is run by Sue Tupling with the sole aim to provide advice, help and enlightenment on communication and behavioural change. 
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