The other side of the conversation coin: inquiry
Conversation is two way. And the best conversations, those that promote mutual learning and collaboration, can happen in the most unexpected situations. I have the most wonderful and enlightening conversations with the cleaner in our offices. She is very wise and I have a deep respect for her!
We already know from the previous posts that productive conversation involves the sharing of our thinking through high quality advocacy. And it involves taking responsibility for truly understanding the other person’s thinking through high quality inquiry.
Inquiring into how other’s think
High quality inquiry involves seeking others’ views, probing at how they arrived at them and, critically yet hardest of all for most of us, encouraging them to challenge your perspective. This may require us to help them share, or even understand, their own thinking. This involves listening and questioning and sometimes gently challenging them. If you are a coach, you have a head start here!
Find out how others see the situation by asking them to give examples of the ‘data’ they have used and selected in their thinking and in reaching their conclusions. You will need to help them tell you the steps they have used to get to their thinking. The most useful questions here are the ‘what’ and the ‘how’.
- ”What information did you use to reach that conclusion?”
- ”What are you thinking here?”
- “what do you think about this?”
- “I’m really interested, can you tell me how did you get to that conclusion?”
Be open to challenge
Be open to be challenged on your own conclusions, stay open and curious and remain detached from being ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ : recognise that two brains are most always better than one and that true colloboration will promote mutual learning and growth. “I notice that we have differing, opinions on this matter, and I”m really interested in finding out what I am missing that you have noticed.”
Openly ask for help in finding out what you may be missing that they are seeing. Encourage the other person to identify the gaps or errors in your thinking. If you maintain a state of high curiosity, this will keep your mind open and the dialogue productive even when you are convinced that you are ‘right’ and they are ‘wrong’.
Inquire into the non verbal language or emotion that the other person may be showing, but do this in a non-confrontational way. “I notice that you frowned when you looked at that data; are you confused at all?”
And a great tip is to ask for help in exploring whether you are unknowingly contributing to the problem. This will require you to put ego and arrogance well behind you! “I get a feeling that something I am doing may be blocking this conversation moving forward, is that something you have noticed too?”
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Changeworksblog is run by Sue Tupling with the sole aim to provide advice, help and enlightenment on communication and behavioural change. 
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